i did it for you

another letter, received by email



Dear You,

the first thing you have to understand about me is that two parts as a whole is all i have ever known.
i loved one boy for 7 years of my life. that part of my life is over, but the fact is that you are the unknown. i am conditioned like those salivating dogs, to love and be loved, to live in a nest built by the force of two hearts beating in time with one another. the only thing i have ever been good at is caring, wholly and completely for those around me. i care deeply, i care all the way from my womb to the tips of my ears. i care so much that it hurts, i care about you in a way that i don't think you could grasp. and now, as much as it might burden you, the wound of caring has transferred to you.i don't love you. maybe. but each time i see you i give you a little piece of myself. if only you knew the nature of these pieces,how once they leave my body, i never get them back. all i ask is to lay under the moon with you, to maybe talk to you for 5 fucking minutes before thats all the minutes become, fucking. you are not a mean person, you are gentle and kind,but my preconceived notions and special circumstances distort these things. when we fooled around that night,you left a bruise, this is not a poem, i'm talking about an honest to god bruise. i felt like breaking, pulling you into me,giving you everything i had to give, asking you to tell me what you wanted so that i might be able to please you.you lay there damp and cold frustrated over your own petty orgasm. how banal. i am too embarrassed to call you, i fear that you want it to play out that way, as if you don't want to see me anymore,but i like you so much.i let you sink your teeth into me, i let myself become some kind of stress relief for you. for you. read those fucking words in the mirror to yourself. i did it for you. i care about you too much, i have given you so many pieces already. i don't know what else to do.i pray to some sort of dating diety that probably doesnt give a shit about me that you call tomorrow, that you get the message,that you do kiss me under the moon, that we walk hand in hand and under covers and that you spare me your claws,you don't have to love me, it would just be nice if you came back from your weirdo mental vacation, and made love to me like you care.

from, that stupid girl who maybe fell in love with you.